Friday 26 May 2017

ONE DAY LESS SERIES CONTINUES. 

#4


Appu carried me on his shoulders as he waded past the crowds wearing something on their forehead that I have never seen before. Some grey coloured marking. Appu says that it shows they are also a part of God, just like how Appu wears the cap just before his prayers. I can see the candles melt and hear the people talk. They are of distinct murmurs, but then again, I can’t understand what they are actually speaking. But I do sense a collective sense of happiness, like I belong with them just as much as they belong to me, and to Appu. 

There are many stalls in front of us, like the ones that come into our village once every year. We get to buy pretty dolls and bangles, though I never get to wear them because Ammi tells me that it will make people notice me; even though I rarely leave the house. 
“Miriam, do you like this place?” Appu asks as he chooses a pretty doll for me, and I make a mental note to myself to make sure to stitch some new clothes for her, like the ones I wear. “Yes Appu, it is beautiful here. But I cannot understand where the whole scream is coming from.” 
And then, Appu shows me something that I have never seen before. Children of my age around me look scared just like Appu, but I am more giddy and fascinated by the sight that is standing in front of me. 

“That is called a ‘Pantham’ Miriam, in their local language. They are usually a part of their religious culture, just like ours. They are also a part of Bhairavi Kolam, but I don’t see them anywhere.” 

I didn’t understand half of what Appu said, but all I knew in my mind was that I loved what I was looking at, and I want to look at that all day, everyday for the rest of my life. Even if it is through the grills on the window that separate me from this beautiful world, where we all are a part of the God. Like Appu, like me; and like everyone else that is around me. 

“Sounds like there is a huge festival going on, Miriam,” he continues. “And we have to leave. It is getting pretty dark.” 
“But Appu!” I screamed. “I want to see what happens next!” 

“Well, we’ll have to see about that,” he says as he checks out a poster near him. It is not Arabic, but I can sense that this is their native language. A language Appu speaks when he talk to the traders. He says it is Malayalam. 
“There will be a show of their art form tomorrow, but you won’t understand the language dear.”
“But I want to see, Appu! You tell me all kind of stories! You can tell me this one too!” 
“But Appu doesn’t know this story dear,” he continues. “And it will need money to come back here, and your Ammi won’t agree to it.” 
“Ask Abba.” I say firmly. “Abba will let me go, and I bet Abba will come with us. He’ll give us the money.”
“Miriam…”
“Please Appu, please…”
“Let me talk to your Abba then. We’ll go home today and we’ll talk to Abba about this.” 

“So you do know the story,” I laugh. Appu knows every story in the universe. “So you’ll tell me about it?” 

Appu grins. “Yes princess, I will. Only if you agree to go home right now.” 


And my excitement of jumping up and down gave him the reply that I was ready to go home, and that I was ready and eager to come back here again to see the whole story. The story that Appu would narrate to me. 

Saturday 20 May 2017

THE CONDITIONAL FUNDAMENTALS OF CARING 



Vera Lynn is a genius, have always been and will always be. ‘We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when; but I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day.” Here I am, still waiting for that day to happen. Who am I meeting? I don’t know. Destiny? Doom? Death? Things that start with D are also amazing. There are so many amazing things in the world that we forget to notice. Ever noticed the chorus singing in her songs? Ever noticed that people dream of love and not of peace? You never did, did you. Yes, you think about yourself only. Just kidding. 

The revelations became more clear to me on a road trip from my home to Bengaluru, the so called ‘garden city’. Also the city that is predicted as ‘inhabitable by 2025.’ I wonder where all the workers will go. The city is like Keralite’s Dubai. “Oh, you are in Bengaluru? You must be earning big.” 
“Sure, but I am also paying the bills. Care enough to butt in on that too?” 
“No thanks, bye!” 


And the fundamentals of caring end there. In the trip, I was not able to sleep because I was too excited. Too excited about the fact that I am travelling alone, that I’ll be able to meet my other half in just few hours, that I’ll get to eat the amazing food she makes for me (and her, but I am on denial). By each passing mile, and by each passing song in my playlist, I dream of not seeing the stars in the sky which I love to, but the flickering yellow light in the traffic islands; reminding that miles are being covered, and I’ll reach soon. And it struck me. I am expecting things that are already possible; because I know for a fact that I’ll reach there no matter what (optimistic, of course).  And I started thinking about other things. Reading another good book, watching another good movie, having another meet up with friends and hanging out. These are possible at any time, I have no need of getting my hopes but still I do. Then I wonder about peace, but I skip that because I know I can’t make it come true. After few possibles, I run back to the impossible. We dream for things that are possible in our mind, but somehow peace seemed to be impossible. The rest of the night, I made a mental note to make myself sure that I think about it, and make myself that it is possible. Somehow, we all are humans. We understand each other better than any other organism in the earth (other than dogs). We bring the war, so we should bring the peace too. 

Friday 12 May 2017

RUN.


To the person who told me about ‘Forrest Gump’. Thank you so much. 


Soon enough, I was running from my ghosts. Running from the strange trails that I left behind around the city, when I walked through the endless crowded streets with the smell of hot local food arising from each and every corner; embracing me, making me feel home. They say home is where the heart is, but do we ever know where our heart is? Some people say the heart is like a restless monkey, jumping from one tiny desire to other. Then our homes must also be amongst one of those branches now. 

Tonight, I won’t sweat. I am wearing my running shoes and my poker face as I run away from my ghosts. No fear can haunt me, for I am running towards my fear, for my fears have always taken me up and put me down; so that I can build myself again from scratch like a chef. Tonight, I am running through the endless roads, to find that fear that made me do things that I always longed to. Oh fear, find me. Guide me through your clueless path so that the numerous reflections you hit me with will remind me what I am capable of, what I am built of and what I can dream of. 

The strange trails are everywhere. Near the museums, near the bus stands. How did I leave them there? I don’t know. But those strange trails remind me that I love them as much as I love anything about the city, and that is everything. 

As I run, I am not longing for the canopus and the sirius in the sky, I am not looking for the sun to set on me or the star to shine for me. I am looking for the yellow blinking signals in traffic islands. A ‘Go’ signal from everything, and anything around me. It was ‘Run Forrest Run!’ Now all I can hear is ‘Run FS Run!’ And here I am running, for my sake; and my sake, only. Because one thing I’ve learnt from Forrest is that you don’t bleed only when you die; you bleed when you’re born too. 

Sunday 7 May 2017

HERE I AM 


I have paid my debt and dues
Waiting for the night
To paint its hues
I have paid my debt and dues
Now here I stand, watching you. 

The engine’s on now, the wind is low
I lean back now, letting all go 
The coast is clear, my days just mere 
The engine’s on now, the wind is low 
Now here I am, waiting on you. 

Oh, it’s just another sad Friday
Oh, it’s just another hopeless game 
Why am I here alone this night? 
Cause it’s just another sad Friday 
Now here I am, pulling back home 

Now here I am, pulling back home 
Back home, where my heart belongs
A lonely heart, your smoking joint 
Now here I am, just losing myself 

Now here I am, where nobody knows.